I have a few thoughts on this. I happen to be a happily married black man who married a beautiful black woman almost seven years ago. My wife and I have much in common. We both were raised in what would probably be considered traditional homes. We each had both our parents in the home. Both our fathers were the primary bread winners for the family and seen as the head of the household. Though our mothers both worked, they were also phenomenal mothers and homemakers. They were raised to be such. We both saw a glimpse of how things were in the "good old days." I suppose some would think of living arrangements like this as archaic and antiquated, but you know what? IT WORKED.
Anyone who knows me knows that I don't have a lot of patience for sorry, shiftless black men. As our problems and issues have been greatly documented, I'd like to take a few minutes and view the opposite side of the coin, the black woman. You see, my mother was raised from a young girl to be a good wife and mother. She learned may skills that I fear are becoming a lost art among the young women of my generation and the younger. I have a question that I feel could shed a lot of light on this issue for the single black woman. Do you even know what does it mean to be a good wife?
It seems to me that the ladies of my generation on down are not raised with the objective of becoming a good wife, homemaker or mother. In too many cases this is a secondary objective that they are left to figure out on their own. In middle class to affluent black families, it seems the primary goal and focus for women is now education and career. Some of you may stop reading after this but how many of you were taught to cook? Sew? Raise children? Perhaps most of all, dare I say, defer to a man?
Black woman, for a lot of reasons, many of them good, you are raised to be independent. You are not raised to accept the fact that you have a need. You are often raised to suppress it. This could be because of the fact that it seems that you can't depend on men these days. (A statement I can't really argue with) It could be because you have your own goals, dreams and aspirations and you are not going to submit to anyone, much less any man.
I know I'm "old school," but it seems to me, that today we are raising our black girls to be what men should be:
The Protector The Provider The Leader TheVisionary The Watchwomen
Could someone please tell me what happened to:
The Supporter The Nurturer The Helper The Homemaker The Comforter
I am far from perfect, but I am too thankful that I have a wife that acknowledges that she needs me. My wife has more education than I do, but she still supports me, respects my wishes, submits to me and allows me to be the man. That may sound strange to some. I would have you know that I would die before I would let someone hurt her or my daughter. It makes me happy to know that she trusts me to hold her heart in my hand and I treasure her for the "good thing" that she is (Proverbs 18:22)
I'd like to submit to you that it is really not all about education and or finances. Your bank accounts, house, clothes and the car you drive shouldn't be the things that motivate you in life. The older I get, I realize that family is the largest, preeminent and overarching ambition of my life. Family used to be the ambition of most black folks. Family is the foundation from which we build strong communities and a strong nation. We the black men and black women must return to that...
